Memories of an old flame

Been wanting to tell someone about this but realized it may seem super lame if I were to just bring this up. Plus I no longer keep in touch with those people to get some response. 

Anyway....quick recap. During my OUB wild days, I was introduced to this cute dude called Rannie. He was all I ever wanted back then- cute, wear specs, strong, rich, very romantic (he writes poems, who does that nowadays). Anyway, we went out a few times and he wanted us to be serious. But back then timing sucks coz I was leaving for Perth where "exciting & unknown adventure looms" so I rejected him. The whole saga lasted say 3 months before I got whisked off to Perth. In short I had to literally reject him. I told him I did not believe in LDR (due to past experiences) & it is not fair to him to just wait for me (he did want to wait for me). I had very good memories of him, and we did meet a few times post Perth and all. & perhaps there are lingering feelings but we never really acknowledge anymore since by then I was with my ah chek- V. To me, Rannie was the guy that got away. 

Back to why I am blogging about this. So when I was at mount alvernia, I posted how I was there. Guess what apparently he is there with his wife who also just gave birth and we are probably 1 ward away. He fb-message me that he may pop by to visit me. I just said sure but thought he probably won't drop by. To my surprise, he came. Once I was breastfeeding, so V told him to come back again & he left his number behind. I called and next thing he was in my room. I must have looked super chui but heck lah.

We made small talk and V was there too. And I never went into details of who Rannie is and our relationship. Just told V we were old frens from OUB DAYS. It's all very surreal to be seeing him n how coincidence that our kids are born same day. Haha...he is still the same ...very laid back, chill out dude. We were sharing parenting tips n he jus said spontaneity is good. 

Before I end. Here is a pic of him with his daughter- Rebekah. 

K signing off. 

Coming to terms - motherhood

Lil Emmanuel is 2 months and 1 week .....Gosh time flies. I was just remembering how he was swimming in my tummy and tadaa now this lil toot is finally out. And YES OMG I am a mother. How weird is that?

One can never be prepared for motherhood. Seriously. If you think by playing with other people children makes your motherly instincts pop out, you are wrong. I was never ready to be a mum, but I reckon I can't be saying that till I am 50. When lil E came out, I was not prepared to be bombarded with all the emotions, the constant need to be perfect be it for myself or for Emmanuel. I thought I had it in control, let things go. But NO I can't, lil things bug me like milk not measured correctly, helper saying boy cries all the time.... Haiz....too many to list. 

There were times (usually when E cries) where I blamed V for it. Like coz he was the one that was like dying to have a kid and I saw myself as being the vessel for it. Now that E is out, V should be taking care of him instead of me being cooped up at home 24/7. Of coz those times quickly disappeared when lil E give me his million dollar smile or when he responds to me when I soothe him.

Yeah so motherhood...it is really a bittersweet experience. And it's for life. I can't say I wanna quit, nor can I say I had enough. I don't know how some frens did it but I salute them even though I am a mummy now. 

Of coz I feel guilty at times whenever I feel frustrated or developed resentful thoughts. I think my mr V had really put in 101% effort towards caring for me & lil E. And who knows if he also got depression (from serious lack of zzz plus he needs to work)? At times when I had my emotional outbursts, he counseled me and pray with me to sort my negative thoughts out. Or when I am tired, he will take the night shifts even if it means lack of zzz plus next day have to work. My husband is amazing...and I do feel so lucky. 

K that's it. It's 4am and zzz is overcoming me and lil E's feeding time approaches. I have lost my sense of time. Each day and night sama sama...ciaoz

Some recent photos to capture the moments....

Omg it's been a month

Wow ....our Lil E is a month old. Time flies.

Just a month ago today I was just experiencing the water leakage and about to give birth. Now he is here and we just celebrated his one month old yesterday at VNA ROM venue- my sis function room. That's right, back where we all started the commitment to each other. 

Thru out the month, I had my ups and downs. While I tried to accommodate and bear the gross rich food, there are times when V pushes me to learn from aunty that made me had my meltdowns. And especially so when my CL had to leave suddenly and I was left alone with Ely and lil E. Suddenly I had to be the mother and perform my duties. I felt thrown into the deep end, and especially so when he cries. Grappling with the unknown is so scary, i felt helpless and no control of the outcome.

It got so bad that I actually crave pumping milk time coz that's like an escape for me. Think I was almost slipping into PND. Then Mr V gave me a lot of encouragement to get me to think positive. And of coz seeing this lil toot growing everyday with my breastmilk also encourages me a lot. 

Think I have to come to terms that this is for life. No more thinking about my own time or say I wanna quit this job. Whether I like it or not, lil E is here to stay and for us to shower him with love.

CL is back for a week and this precious week is for us to learn all that we can from her ...build our confidence and then the real test will begin Friday onwards. Then mr V got to leave us to go Korea for a week. So all 3 of us are gonna head over to my mum's for awhile. Least someone is there.....  

Still can't believe I am a mummy and this cutie boy is mine!!! Thank God for hearing our prayers and blessed us this beautiful and strong boy- Emmanuel Ng. 

 

Week 2 +1 day......so fast...and so lil E grows

A thank you card for our gynae who had been with us thru out this long journey from my cysts to the arrival of lil E... 

It's like omg I can't get enough of this lil fella that was cut and popped out of my stomach. Will try to take a pic of my scar when I am less scared of it. Right now I think the wound is numb from all the meds, plus fats. 

CNY came and gone. And it was a simple CNY with V & E, plus confinement lady And Ely. We had simple food and was able to welcome CNY without the usual big fan fare.... 

Confinement is so far bearable. Thankful for helper and a good confinement lady. Must take a picture when finish the 28 days. Thankful also for abundance milk supply for my lil E & may it continue to flow abundantly for him. 

Emotionally I think sometimes I still get sensitive and tears just flow down. I think I have to manage that bit more...and mr V been pressing me to be more hands on with lil E. So much stress.......hmm... Oh well....that's all the rant now....till laters....

The angelic pose and face....I am so in love with him already....

@ wk 37 & out comes lil Emmanuel. 黄俊义...17012014

Been a week since lil E came into our lives. Nothing can quite prepare you for the motherhood journey. A mother's love is the most amazing thing in the world. I guess after 5 years of just VNA, having a lil one joining us is quite a daunting experience.

I thought I should document the birth process in case I forget in future. And also for the purpose of telling lil Emmanuel on how he was born. It all started on the Tuesday where we visit Dr Fong to address the low lying placenta and see what are our birthing options. We still were hopeful that placenta can still move 2cm from wk 36 to wk 37. But dr Fong said why don't we make a tentative booking for csec first on 22 jan? So it was a wake up call that lil E is indeed coming and we are nearing the end to welcome him with us. 

So by then I was already prepared to work from home and my last day in office was 10 Jan. All work been delegated out. On Thursday nite 16 Jan, I noticed wet patches with lil pinkness on my disposable undie. But it was in very small quantity, and there was no contractions. V also noticed and ask me to monitor and call dr Fong first thing in the morning. So next morning I called dr Fong and he said to go mount Alvernia to get it checked and monitored. 

Waited for mr V to come back from office and off we go to mount A. Once there it was very fast, they wheeled me into the delivery ward to get me hooked up to fetal heartbeat machine.....v was there to do the paperwork...and I was just allocated a lil corner bed to lie down...I was like feeling omg is this it...is it today? Is it not on 22 jan?? I kept asking my tummy...how? Then nurse came in and explained they are seeing contractions. So I was like are you sure??? So we have to continue to wait dr Fong will only be coming around evening time. 

So by about 5ish,dr Fong finally made his appearance and he looked at the reports and all my signs and decided yes guy it will be tonight we deliver the lil one. As I had low placenta, dr Fong don't want me to go into labour so we needed to go for full GA delivery rather than an epidural csec. And of coz he needed to prepare blood in case of emergency blood transfusion due to excessive bleeding. Wow so immediately no more food and the waiting begins. Am scheduled for 10pm delivery, so by 930pm they wheeled me in to prep. All these while, I kept feeling if lil E was still moving inside me...was worried of potential complications. After a while I decided to say a quick prayer and leave it onto Him. 

By 10pm I was in the operating theatre table just waiting for the anesthetician to provide my dosage... And then by the time around 1020pm, she came spoke to me and say ok let's get ready to see your lil one. Who knows the moment I KO, the next moment I remember vaguely in between waking up and feeling really cold. Then I remember the nurse asking which room and me telling them it's room 361....lol

Next moment I remember asking to see lil Emmanuel and there he was lying in the lil cot awake and moving. That moment was amazing. I was in awe and full of love for this lil fellow that just appeared before me. 

And that is me documenting the birthing process of lil Emmanual 黄俊义- our first born....

From ...12 January above .....

To....17 January 2014.... 

At wk 36...last few weeks..omg

Wow...time really flies... It seems like only yesterday I saw the 2 lines on THE STICK!! and now I am fast approaching THE BIRTH. 

These last weeks proved to be tougher than the initial weeks. I got diagnosed with this pregnancy rash called PUPPP. read more here - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pruritic_urticarial_papules_and_plaques_of_pregnancy

This rashes been spreading quite bad and worst thing it itches. so sadly aside from stretch marks, am gonna have scar marks. Boo boo...I really tried to stop myself but itch proves too much. 

lil Emmanuel been growing and making his presence known all day. Such an amazing feeling, even till date whenever he moves I still get an aww.... feeling. Really thank God for this miracle Baby into our lives.

However Dr Fong also diagnosed another condition called placenta previa for me. 

Read more here- http://www.babycenter.com/0_placenta-previa_830.bc

He still monitoring the situation...giving us till Tues to evaluate if there is any improvement on the placenta. If no...then most likely we need to get lil Emmie out by week 38 which coincides with Papa V's bday. Why week 38, coz any closer risks me going into labour n potentially loosing lots of blood. Worst case scenerio if complication arised, will be me loosing the entire womb. So let's see the verdict coming Tuesday. Been praying to God for natural delivery, & no complications, so now can only have faith in Him. 

Past few weeks been happening. We prepped more baby stuff and my confinement stuff. As usual our style, last minute. Realized I don't have a friggin mattress and covers for the lil one. So need to quickly get that sorted before wk 38. Btw our helper has arrived, her name is Ely. So far been a great help around the house keeping it neat n tidy. So hopefully when the lil prince arrived, all is good. 

Will update here again on the verdict. Pray for me n lil Emmanuel ....am really getting nervous... 

A pic here of my stoopid rashes, it's actually a lot worst than this but I can't maneuver the camera with a ball stuck in front of me. 

At 31 weeks...and counting

Wow this week visit was nice....saw lil Immanuel kicking away and finally out of the breech position. 

Placenta still midway...still praying hard that it will move up....I have till 37 weeks...

This visit I had 3 questions for Dr Fong...

1) circumcision for the lil one

Ans- done by a PD. Will not be done by him

2) confirmation of his gender 

Ans- clearly saw his pair of balls...so guess yes it's a boy

3) can I take long journey on the road? 

Ans- Johor area not a problem 

lil one weighs at 1.5kg....and growing well. For me..so far okie. Weight issues under control...need to eat more vegs

Saw lil spider veins...abit worried....

I finally told V about my concerns about having too many people in the house during my confinement. Was such a relief. 

K just trying to document as much as I can recall....haha....next time I see u...on Boxing Day... 

memories are made of this pregnancy

Wow pregnancy does weird things to your body. During my first trimester, i had these super weird dreams. then it stopped. 

Now that i am in my third trimester, it came back. So far from ghost buster to star wars to some sci-fi movie set, super bizarre i swear. I wake up feeling super disoriented and weird times wish the dream can continue. Am waiting for dream of my kdrama hunks, thought i should have a scene with LMH given the fact i have been faithfully watching him.

Been talking to Mr V about what kind of parenting should we adopt. I mean like showing him some random articles and asking him what he thinks. I think he is too chill. Here i am like thinking every other day if i will be a chill spontaneous parent or a super KS aunty parent, there is mr V doing the whole chill shit.

Post the 1-sided conversation, i thought deeper into what he said. Guess its just that control freak in me that is trying to anticipate all sorts of scenarios in my puny mind. And that stresses me out. Looking at my own sis & bro, plus my own group of 'parent' frens, it is really different strokes for different folks. 

just rantings on a Monday afternoon...yawnzzz

Moving along to 28 weeks...Lil Immanuel is the size of a large eggplant this week

With 83 days more to go...along with occasional panics and anxiety...yes lil boy is growing and making his presence felt.

Last night i had an amazing dream & a rude awakening to that with a damm blardee leg cramp. Anyway quickly before i forget the dream content, thought i document it out.

I think i saw lil Immanuel in my dream. It was some sort of a chase, i think i was in some supernatural ghostbuster group and pregnant with lil Immanuel. During one of the chase, obviously i had to pop lil one out. But the thing is i had absolutely no recollection of the birth process only the fact of the aftermath once i woke. When i woke up, apparently the baby that was presented to me - Tyson Tan was NOT my baby (obviously given the tag was a TAN). hahaha ...but i remember clearly his features and it was all as i desired except he was super tan! hurhur...

anyway i remember being shocked and worried oh no where is lil Immanuel. Was he kidnapped by bad guys or something? hahah and the next moment someone wheeled him into the room and there he was swaddled comfortably. K tricky part is i don't remember exact details of his features, BUT i remember it was not what i expected. He was healthy but had small eyes. Think hair was a tad sparse. After that onwards ....it was a blurr and then i think i got interrupted with the damm leg cramp!!! boo...

But hey i think it was a damm pretty good dream. hahaha..ridiculous but quite nice! Its like i had a crystal ball and i swear he felt so real to me!!! 

k i think i managed to document most of what i remembered liao!!! Poor V ...also had a rude awakening coz he had to help me with the damm cramp considering he was out entertaining till 3am. 

Well lil Immanuel, i pray you continue to grow well inside mummy. Remembering that mummy, daddy and Jesus love you always. We pray you will be blessed with Jesus character and mold in his godly image. Amen.

And of coz continue to bless my pregnancy and the impending delivery. Let it be natural..... Amen to that too. 

At 27 weeks....

This week I still see u at breech position. Hope you lil one is comfortable inside mummy's womb....

dr Fong told me my placenta a tad low but least I am managing my weight well. 

I had a chat with papa V and he finally shared the name and verse of what Jesus told him of our lil boy. 

Quite sweet verse...and so lil one shall be named Immanuel!!

Add parallel

Isaiah 7:14

King James Version (KJV)

14 Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.

Anyway ....D day approaching fast. Am left with less than 90 days ...sense of panic....anticipation....excitement....weirdness....all encompassing...can be over whelming. I sometimes feel so alone....it's scary...

Well I managed to attend pre-natal class with mr V. Well feel so depressed at the amount of stuff I need to eat. Gosh....wish I can take all these stuff without literally eating it. Like can inject or something... Lil boy...must stay healthy n handsome okie...

Daddy n mummy love u heaps...n of coz Jesus loves u too.... 

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I have no patience

Been a while since i rant about work. And today i need an avenue to rant and i can't find any other place to rant.

Anyway I have been tagged with this planner of mine for the past almost 2 years. Well firstly when under the first boss he was the pet, hence he kind of got promoted very quickly even though his skills are lacking. I personally feel he is not equipped yet to deal with a planner role yet. Of coz final promotion decision did not lie with me. Hence he was promoted despite my better reservations.

I mean he is not a BAD worker to be honest. He is good natured at heart and genuinely tries to do his work to the best he can. However in June he suddenly request for sabbatical break of 2 months. Citing he needs to find his work mojo back, & that he needed to find back himself. So he made his point to the management and again it was decided that he will be given that much needed break of 2 months. 

Again not about being a bitch but seriously after 2 years of working he is telling me he needs farking sabbatical. That is BS. Truly. I mean i have been working for almost a decade and i had never taken a friggin sabbatical before. Does that mean that i am a workaholic or have no other aspirations? I don't get kids nowadays. I really don't. 

The worst thing is now that he is back from his 2 months break, i expected a fresher person but he seems more chui than before. And i hate that. I mean come on you have friggin 2 months to do nothing, jolly well get your farking act together and work. I told him being a planner means he is more senior and that he needs to carry his weight and able to anticipate things. But he is telling me he is used to taking instructions, i was like then you might as well be an executive. Arrggghhh. 

Sometimes i talk to him it seems that whatever i say is not registering in his head and it disturbs me. He always just give me a friggin blank look which i hate. I really do. I mean whatsup with this boy. V told me i have to be soft and more encouraging to him. Like say more words of praise rather than reprimanding him. I am like but he had not done stuff that is deserving my praise. Isn't fake praise worst?!? V said basically just change my tone of voice. -_- geeez 

Gosh it is really irking me and i don't know what to do. Maybe i should change him off. Get the executive and leave this planner over to Adtitya. Let him & myself have a fair share of change of environment, so he can feel more confident about himself. Will bring it up to mr Orhpeh on Monday when i see him. 

Guess thats all i can do for now. 

K thats all for today. Sign off....

Trying to make sense of it all....Blessed that i am seeing you at 23 weeks

Wow...so fast another week zoom past.

This week to Dr Fong was so so only. Lil Emmanuel growing well but the mummy is growing exceedingly well! Boo...am at 67.2kg when i should only be 65kg. So I must go back to controlling my weight gain, back to carb-less, salads and small little meals.

Wow past week, alot of things happening. I felt the little one more pronounced at letting me know he is inside me.I moved into my new place. We bought MORE bb stuff aside from stroller - Like inquiring maid services, bought my breast pumps, random baby clothes & socks & talking more to the lil one.

The whole prepping to welcome this lil fellow is serious biz. I mean initially i can joke like its surreal and all. Week by week, seriously I feel a sense of panic especially at night when i lie there quietly trying to fall asleep. I hate the fact that i am not in control of the situation - like delivery date, the quality of the confinement lady, the way the baby is going to behave, the way I AM gonna behave.

I hate not knowing all of these prior to the arrival. Like now i don't have any specifics and i hate that. Sometimes i feel like i am all alone feeling the weight of this lil one. V is like absorb in preparing the house, and i am the vessel holding the lil fellow. So detached and weird. Blame it on the hormones but i really feel like screaming out at V. Haiz..no rhyme or reason.

I don't know if i am ready to handle the change. I can't envisioned me saying goodbye to my own- time and spending all waking hours coo-ing & ahhh-ing to this lil fellow!! Am i normal for having such thoughts? Sorry my dearie lil Emmanuel for having that thought. ><

Haha Natie was so sweet...she told me will organize babies playgroups where we can house the babies together while the adults can have reasonable sane conversations. Aww...look fwd to that...

k enough ranting for today ....eve of Haji...no mood to work ....;P

A surreal reality.... Left with 18 weeks

Haha just back from my babymoon and I feel reality hits. *points to subject!!

Today VNA attended our very first baby fair. Gosh it was madness....we never knew one can buy trolley-loads of diapers and formulas!!! Geeez... Like serious biz. I have never seen an invasion of fellow preggers and newborns congregating together!! Definitely an eye-opener for both of us. 

Before going...I told V what to expect. Told him what I wanted to buy so we can be focused and get thru the crowd. We could deal with people but not the snake-line queues that followed. How can people bring their newborns to the fair? That poor child. 

Anyway as I settle into the fact we are gonna be parents and that a lifelong learning awaits both of us, we had to start preparing for the lil one arrival. Hence the baby fair.

Anyway we were proud to buy a Capella Cony stroller for this lil fellow. And it's gonna be a bright orange one. No red like dad's Lexus but hey this is just as cool. Thanks to my fellow gf - Shermeen for her kind recommendation. 

While there we also managed to get our fridge & other nick knacks for our new love nest. Can't wait to move in come this weekend- awesomeness!!! 

A pic of our stroller....the first big item for our lil boy- Emmanuel (trying to get used to this name) geeez....

Looks cool right... Apparently it's a one -hand maneuver stroller.... So shall see how I handle it ...in 18 weeks time... ;P

Enough baby talk. Let's talk about my other excitement...

Well as VNA starts preparing for the lil fellow. There is also another project ...well short term project that we are doing. Yeah that's the Reno of our brand new love nest. 

Yes after Woodlands, we are officially days away from residing into our new love nest at Woodleigh. Gosh so excited to see this simple place turning out to be another cosy home, and best thing is we are gonna have our lil baby with us in another 4 months time. How happy can we be? ;p

Anyway this time round we decided to go with an ID as my lovely Mr V decided I should not have to worry over the Reno given my condition and he obviously can't do it since he is colorblind. So we had engaged Distinct identity - Keith to be our designer. 

Of coz having a budget in mind meant we needed to be super stringent in our wants. Some can...some cannot. So VNA so far been fairly agreeable, guess being in a delicate condition helped too... 

http://www.distinctidentity.com.sg- a link if you ever wish to Reno or design a house. Think the service is not bad even though we are small case clients. Hahah you can see the state of our place and be the judge. 

Some teaser pics before the furnitures go in on satty. 

Tadaa.....there you go. VNA love nest....

Can't wait for next wk where I will finally reunite with mr V after 4months break. I do miss my dearie hub and he had been wonderful thus far....am thankful as always... ❤️❤️

A shitty experience with lil Ashley

hahaha typing this title is just damm hilarious. I just had to pen this down before i forget.

I am currently staying with my bro and family while waiting for my new love nest to be ready. So in a way its good coz the girls & lil Aaron are all there. So almost like a headstart in training to be surrounded by young children.

Last night i had my first real taste of being a parent. Lil Ashley was whining to her mum about needing to go toilet to xu-xu (her way of saying i need to go shit NOW). However her mum was busy wiping lil Aaron down halfway. So there she is like half whine and half cry, i decided to help her. I told her come let xiao gu help you with your diaper, then u can go.

So she waddled towards me half whining, and stopped in front of me. I pulled down her pants and out roll a big piece of SHIT onto the floor. I was like woah taken aback and stood up. Dear lil Ashley quickly just rush to the toilet bowl and get on with her big biz. Thank god for my bro (her dad) came running and saw the shit on the floor and quickly use a tissue to pick it up and wash it down the toilet bowl quickly. Hahahaha..... i was like WOW ....watsup with the shit man!!! Lil Ashley was still sweet enough to give me a nice big smile as she was trying to do her big biz. Guess thats her way of saying thanks Xiao Gu.

Hahaha as i told V about the story. He was like put the shit back into the diaper lah! *super roll eyes. Geez what parents would we be to our lil Son. hmm....always discussing about shit and farts and name calling each other!!! tsk tsk tsk....

oh well..just wanted to pen this down for future laughs. Would have taken a pic of the shit if i had my phone with me. hahaha....lucky it was not lao sai!!!! ;P

And VNA first born will be a lil Baby Boy @ week 19+ detailed scan

It is a BOY!!!! Just like what mr V predicted. He even said he knew it right away it will be a BOY. *roll-eyes

Wow spent 3 hours yesterday from scanning to waiting for results to Dr Fong but all is worth it. We had a full hour seeing the lil fellow bumping inside me. He is very active and i guess its the boy genes in him.

I got loads of scans featuring him from different angles from head to toes. Seeing his lil toes...fingers and lips moving were so amazing. I almost wanted to say bring on MORE babies if the process is all so easy, but lets reserve that comment till this lil fellow is out.

So post scan... lil one is looking good. Placenta is up...my weight gain at 1.2kg (within range), amniotic liquid is at healthy level. Amen to that. Thanks to Him for provisions and continued blessings.

Am now planning for my baby moon, though Dr Fong being the ever cautious him tells me to continue to take it easy & not over-exert myself.

After baby moon, we have to plan to get the maid in before lil one is out. And start getting ready whatever else i need to prepare. Gosh like machiem 9 months not enough!!!

Zen me needed!!!

k thats it for now. I have a nice lil scan that shows the lil one's scrotum and penis...mmm will post it when i can get a pic of it. So cute i swear! ;P

Starting my bird nest diet too! mmmm...can't wait!!!

VNA see you at 15 weeks

Wow amazing ...last week visit to the doc was good. We see this lil one resting and turning abit, And it showed me the tiny lil bones that are forming within. I was in awed. I mean i can't imagine that my body actually produce this tiny fellow swimming in me. Well doc says  my placenta is abit low. No red alert as yet but i need plenty more rest and should walk less. Hence for holiday destinations seem like Korea is out, i can only go for beach holis. Least doc was optimistic and ask me to go for a break via a flight. So phew.... V can't contest with that.

So now i can start shortlisting some beach holidays destination - contenders are Bali, Krabi & Koh Samui. So far i think we are veering towards Krabi coz thats where mr V proposed to me. So he felt hold some special memories if we go back there now. So yay can start planning to head out in early Oct before i get too big to enjoy the sights. happy me and lil Baby. :D

Oh well...thus far....been trying to blog to document this entire process. As always am always thankful to Him for hearing our desire and giving us the blessing. And thus far blessing my pregnancy to be smooth. Though ballooning abit but am trying to pamper myself to ensure i don't look frumpy and gross. I hope i am achieving that coz the vain pot in me refuse to give in to the frumpy me!! hmrph..i can do it!!!

Seriously i was walking in the kiddy palace yesterday and i nearly stabbed myself. I hope and pray that feeling will change soon. I went in and all the frumpy maternity wear and wailing kids were just too much. I walked one round and decide enough. hahaahaa

Aside from my V, family members, colleagues, X colleagues, my church mates and Trish of coz.... I had not been able to meet with anyone else. Even Jan. Guess can't help it lah she got lil Ems now, also hard to juggle time. Hopefully once i moved to my mum's place i can meet with her more and play with lil Ems. Such a sweeet lil darling. Gosh seeing other peeps' kids always so pressurizing. Think i need to increase my frequency of looking at good looking babies. ^^ hahah .. oh well hopefully can meet some of my gfs tonight ...hopefully they dun cancel on me..

k enough randomness....till week 20 by then will know its a hunk or babe!!! Need some contribution to my diaper fund! ;P Deep down i want a boy but i am prepping myself in case its a girl!! nevertheless all good still... :D

till later... see the little spine from the scan!! hahah
Yeah thats the lil fellow @ 15 weeks...

I see u again @ 11 weeks

Wow. ....what an amazing journey it has been. To be able to hear the strong and healthy sound of the Lil one's heartbeat. Truly God's miracle. 

Had told most close friends about my pregnancy and though I am happy they are happy. But I worry about having too much information. As it is I am reading alot thru the Internet and I think it had made me almost paranoid of a lot of things. But to have more experienced mothers telling me more things to watch out are making me very depressed. 

While I grapple with my increasing weight due to my good appetite, I am also concerned about looking frumpy and miserable. V is trying to be the most patient but being man they are just man. Somethings they just don't understand and don't get it. 

I worry that I may seem rude to some mother frens who start offering too much info...and I think too much. 

Haiz a lot of things to think about and also worry about especially the rising costs of hvg a baby and of coz us moving to a new place. Gosh.... I need to remain zen......

Coping with negativity

Recently been a slew of incidents happening around me. 4 friends around me been through some major events that made them dive into depression. I am comforted that 3 chose to talk to me and allowed me to counsel them. Am not the most amazing counsellor but glad they chose to confide in me rather than being by themselves. 

In summary....of my friends' predicaments...

1 friend wants a divorce with her husband of less than 6 months. 

1 friend is in serious depression due to eye trauma and mental health dipping due to eye trauma. 

1 friend went through a sudden breakup with an asshole after 2 years of peaceful relationship. 

1 friend broke off an engagement after she found bf been cheating on her for 1.5 years. 

I personally feel for these friends. Of coz I have my own opinions on how things should work but I am not them. I can only pray for them to see light and hopefully able to pull themselves out from the situations they are in. 

Guess as we all grow older, we become more vulnerable. Often than not when things don't turn out right, we are thrown off balance. It is not easy to climb back up unless u have a strong support system like friends or families (to a certain extent spiritual support).

For me, I have been trying to cope with this Lil miracle within me. I feel like an alien at times, most of the time now I just feel fat. Truly a lot of my pants getting tighter, and shopping irritates me coz I can't wear half the stuff. Boo. Trying to keep my emo in check too, which is hard. I want to scream at times when I am faced with stupidity. I have patience with slowness and asking unnecessary questions. Gosh...I am turning into a bitch. Haizzzz.... 

But really want to thank Him for giving me a smooth pregnancy so far. I feel ok....eating well (too well) and sleeping well (though I think I should zzz more). But overall AOK. amen to that.

K I written long enough. That's it for now. 

Week 8- I saw you again...

Exciting weekend. Met with Dr Fong, and I finally just have a normal scan at the tummy. And there it was. The Lil one peeking at me with a strong sounding heartbeat. In all the excitement we forgot to take pictures or get the scan pic. Geeez.... So much for paying the friggin weekend charge.

dr Fong is happy that I am eating well....no signs of nausea....no signs of anything except super painful boobs. Which he deduce will most likely follow me thru out the 9 months. Boo....

Had a nice retail therapy with Trish. After her recent breakup, guess its good to get her out to join me and V for a movie. We watched World War Z ...which was quite exciting I must say. I think I do get a kick out of seeing zombies. Hahaha abit gory but yeah...it's awesome!!

Ok...shall stop here. Dreading Monday tomorrow...dreading work...wish I can call in sick... Geez...till next post....

NOTE to myself....am trying to see more cute pictures of babies....and of coz praying fervently daily to the Lil one.