It's the most wonderful time of the year

Wow so fast we are reaching end of 2014. Last year this time I thought the year can never be better. But this year been just a blast. 

Of coz no prizes for guessing why!! Our lil bundle of joy- Emmanuel. 

He is indeed our pride and joy. I can finally understand why having a kid beats having a dog. Nothing can beat having children. I mean even with one I can't believe I can have so much love for this lil human being I call SON. 

And to think I din wanna have baby. I mean I don't even mind a 2nd one to be honest. But let's save that for a later blog. 

So been another month of happiness. As you can see from the pics. Am so happy he is not turning out to be this huge ass 10pound baby. Though sometimes I wish he was but hey he got slim parents. 

Indeed he is the love of my life... It's like he can get on my nerves than next moment he can melt me with his dazzling smiles. 

K Enough gushing... Till next month. Lil e be turning ONE. Omg....

Merry Xmas to whoever is reading this.... Muakzzz 

yet again the forgotten blog.. my meandering thoughts

Wow so fast. 8 months kind of zoom past in a blink of an eye. Lil e is seriously like too cute. He never fails to lift my spirits up and make me the happiest mummy.

After lil E burst into our lives i can say parenthood sure ain't ez. Try juggling being a mum, a wife and a worker. I swear its just got tougher.  While taking of Lil E got easier life as a wife got tougher.

How do i evolve and grow? How can i be more sensitive to mr V needs? Been reading so much mummy blogs to get some perspective but nothing came up. I feel like machiem everything changed. I am more sensitive and v seems to be less vocal and expressive. I dunno what happened. Seems like we just stop listening to each other.

I felt it was like after lil E is out, our marriage broke down. There seem to be an invisible wall between us. I even suggested marriage counseling coz i felt he can't listen to me and i can't change my sensitive nature.

Haiz...will take it one step at a time. Am going for a lil staycation with lil E. So hopefully that will bring us closer ....

K time to work...sianzzzzz

Life sucks except when i am with lil E.😁

Omg time flies...almost 6 months mark

Wow...so fast my lil toot turning 6 months...so fast. 

It had been an amazing journey thus far. Some odd days I am still in disbelief I am actually a mum. Sometimes in the night I will stare at him in awe. 

We are indeed blessed this lil toot is fairly good baby hitting all e right milestones. He is also such a brave boy who can withstand his jabs with gusto. 

Emotionally am not soooooo depressed though again odd times I do feel depressed. But it is better managed, think coz partly I am almost full time at work. I actually have adult conversations and using my brain other than just being a cow. 

Past 2 weeks due to the pampers account that I am taking care, I had been following some mummy bloggers. And seeing each of the mummy bloggers having 2 or more kids made me actually long to have a 2nd one. Seeing the sibling love is something that I always adore. Whenever I hear or read about sibling love...I always go awww. Think coz during my own childhood, i don't recall such love from my elder sis and bro. Guess mainly it's the age gap too. Anyways just open lah but hey who am I kidding. Not like its super easy pregnant. 

Coz of lil E ...we hardly spend much quality time together alone. Half the time we are fussing with E or busy with work. Think work is quite pressuring for mr V. He said so far first half of 2014, it had been a slow start. So much so his boss had to stop cash card claims. So must be quite bad. 

Some piccies

It REALLY only gets better

Coming to 5 months already. Wow time flies. See how much this lil tot is growing. So very cute and adorable. I swear he is like the cutest baby. Honest!!!

Many milestones these past weeks, he can flip, he laughs out loud, he can recognize things, he luvs talking, he is sleeping more especially at night (sometimes thru the night), and the best part is how we are moving him out of our room.

Ok we had removed him from our bed. That's a good start I thought. So he will zzz in his own playpen. Then slowly am going to ease him to his own so papa n mama can have our own bed back. 

So yay to all these milestones. Bb Emmanuel I love you...papa luvs you and so does Jesus. 

WHAT!! 4 months already??

Can't believe it had been 4 months already. Look at this cheeky fellow. 

Never thought I would say this, I love this lil toot soooooo very much. He drives me crazy and yet when he smiles, I just melt & ready to give in to ALL his demands. 

I really wanna thank God for always being there for me and pouring his favour on our Emmanuel. I thank him for blessing us with this cute boy and answering my prayers, some very strange prayers. 

You see before I was pregnant, one of the reason for not having kids was what if the child is a ugly bb. Coz it's true, there exist ugly babies. So anyway when I was pregnant, I remember praying fervently to Jesus to bless me with the following: 

......a cute baby, A baby with hair, a strong baby, a healthy baby, a baby free from allergies, a baby that is tall like daddy, a baby that is good looking like mummy, a god-fearing baby, a good natured baby, a baby that is easy to take care, a baby blessed with loads of breastmilk.... Think that's about it. 

Past 4 months had its ups and downs, but I can only say it will definitely get better. Lil E is soooooo very cute now and he responds to everything. I totally love him.

He was such a strong boy when he went for his jab. And I really thank God for blessing him. Continue to lay hands do protection over our boy for all his subsequent jabs. 

K just wanna thank Him for always being the best God to our family and that he continues his care and protection over us. amen. 

Memories of an old flame

Been wanting to tell someone about this but realized it may seem super lame if I were to just bring this up. Plus I no longer keep in touch with those people to get some response. 

Anyway....quick recap. During my OUB wild days, I was introduced to this cute dude called Rannie. He was all I ever wanted back then- cute, wear specs, strong, rich, very romantic (he writes poems, who does that nowadays). Anyway, we went out a few times and he wanted us to be serious. But back then timing sucks coz I was leaving for Perth where "exciting & unknown adventure looms" so I rejected him. The whole saga lasted say 3 months before I got whisked off to Perth. In short I had to literally reject him. I told him I did not believe in LDR (due to past experiences) & it is not fair to him to just wait for me (he did want to wait for me). I had very good memories of him, and we did meet a few times post Perth and all. & perhaps there are lingering feelings but we never really acknowledge anymore since by then I was with my ah chek- V. To me, Rannie was the guy that got away. 

Back to why I am blogging about this. So when I was at mount alvernia, I posted how I was there. Guess what apparently he is there with his wife who also just gave birth and we are probably 1 ward away. He fb-message me that he may pop by to visit me. I just said sure but thought he probably won't drop by. To my surprise, he came. Once I was breastfeeding, so V told him to come back again & he left his number behind. I called and next thing he was in my room. I must have looked super chui but heck lah.

We made small talk and V was there too. And I never went into details of who Rannie is and our relationship. Just told V we were old frens from OUB DAYS. It's all very surreal to be seeing him n how coincidence that our kids are born same day. Haha...he is still the same ...very laid back, chill out dude. We were sharing parenting tips n he jus said spontaneity is good. 

Before I end. Here is a pic of him with his daughter- Rebekah. 

K signing off. 

Coming to terms - motherhood

Lil Emmanuel is 2 months and 1 week .....Gosh time flies. I was just remembering how he was swimming in my tummy and tadaa now this lil toot is finally out. And YES OMG I am a mother. How weird is that?

One can never be prepared for motherhood. Seriously. If you think by playing with other people children makes your motherly instincts pop out, you are wrong. I was never ready to be a mum, but I reckon I can't be saying that till I am 50. When lil E came out, I was not prepared to be bombarded with all the emotions, the constant need to be perfect be it for myself or for Emmanuel. I thought I had it in control, let things go. But NO I can't, lil things bug me like milk not measured correctly, helper saying boy cries all the time.... Haiz....too many to list. 

There were times (usually when E cries) where I blamed V for it. Like coz he was the one that was like dying to have a kid and I saw myself as being the vessel for it. Now that E is out, V should be taking care of him instead of me being cooped up at home 24/7. Of coz those times quickly disappeared when lil E give me his million dollar smile or when he responds to me when I soothe him.

Yeah so motherhood...it is really a bittersweet experience. And it's for life. I can't say I wanna quit, nor can I say I had enough. I don't know how some frens did it but I salute them even though I am a mummy now. 

Of coz I feel guilty at times whenever I feel frustrated or developed resentful thoughts. I think my mr V had really put in 101% effort towards caring for me & lil E. And who knows if he also got depression (from serious lack of zzz plus he needs to work)? At times when I had my emotional outbursts, he counseled me and pray with me to sort my negative thoughts out. Or when I am tired, he will take the night shifts even if it means lack of zzz plus next day have to work. My husband is amazing...and I do feel so lucky. 

K that's it. It's 4am and zzz is overcoming me and lil E's feeding time approaches. I have lost my sense of time. Each day and night sama sama...ciaoz

Some recent photos to capture the moments....

Omg it's been a month

Wow ....our Lil E is a month old. Time flies.

Just a month ago today I was just experiencing the water leakage and about to give birth. Now he is here and we just celebrated his one month old yesterday at VNA ROM venue- my sis function room. That's right, back where we all started the commitment to each other. 

Thru out the month, I had my ups and downs. While I tried to accommodate and bear the gross rich food, there are times when V pushes me to learn from aunty that made me had my meltdowns. And especially so when my CL had to leave suddenly and I was left alone with Ely and lil E. Suddenly I had to be the mother and perform my duties. I felt thrown into the deep end, and especially so when he cries. Grappling with the unknown is so scary, i felt helpless and no control of the outcome.

It got so bad that I actually crave pumping milk time coz that's like an escape for me. Think I was almost slipping into PND. Then Mr V gave me a lot of encouragement to get me to think positive. And of coz seeing this lil toot growing everyday with my breastmilk also encourages me a lot. 

Think I have to come to terms that this is for life. No more thinking about my own time or say I wanna quit this job. Whether I like it or not, lil E is here to stay and for us to shower him with love.

CL is back for a week and this precious week is for us to learn all that we can from her ...build our confidence and then the real test will begin Friday onwards. Then mr V got to leave us to go Korea for a week. So all 3 of us are gonna head over to my mum's for awhile. Least someone is there.....  

Still can't believe I am a mummy and this cutie boy is mine!!! Thank God for hearing our prayers and blessed us this beautiful and strong boy- Emmanuel Ng. 

 

Week 2 +1 day......so fast...and so lil E grows

A thank you card for our gynae who had been with us thru out this long journey from my cysts to the arrival of lil E... 

It's like omg I can't get enough of this lil fella that was cut and popped out of my stomach. Will try to take a pic of my scar when I am less scared of it. Right now I think the wound is numb from all the meds, plus fats. 

CNY came and gone. And it was a simple CNY with V & E, plus confinement lady And Ely. We had simple food and was able to welcome CNY without the usual big fan fare.... 

Confinement is so far bearable. Thankful for helper and a good confinement lady. Must take a picture when finish the 28 days. Thankful also for abundance milk supply for my lil E & may it continue to flow abundantly for him. 

Emotionally I think sometimes I still get sensitive and tears just flow down. I think I have to manage that bit more...and mr V been pressing me to be more hands on with lil E. So much stress.......hmm... Oh well....that's all the rant now....till laters....

The angelic pose and face....I am so in love with him already....

@ wk 37 & out comes lil Emmanuel. 黄俊义...17012014

Been a week since lil E came into our lives. Nothing can quite prepare you for the motherhood journey. A mother's love is the most amazing thing in the world. I guess after 5 years of just VNA, having a lil one joining us is quite a daunting experience.

I thought I should document the birth process in case I forget in future. And also for the purpose of telling lil Emmanuel on how he was born. It all started on the Tuesday where we visit Dr Fong to address the low lying placenta and see what are our birthing options. We still were hopeful that placenta can still move 2cm from wk 36 to wk 37. But dr Fong said why don't we make a tentative booking for csec first on 22 jan? So it was a wake up call that lil E is indeed coming and we are nearing the end to welcome him with us. 

So by then I was already prepared to work from home and my last day in office was 10 Jan. All work been delegated out. On Thursday nite 16 Jan, I noticed wet patches with lil pinkness on my disposable undie. But it was in very small quantity, and there was no contractions. V also noticed and ask me to monitor and call dr Fong first thing in the morning. So next morning I called dr Fong and he said to go mount Alvernia to get it checked and monitored. 

Waited for mr V to come back from office and off we go to mount A. Once there it was very fast, they wheeled me into the delivery ward to get me hooked up to fetal heartbeat machine.....v was there to do the paperwork...and I was just allocated a lil corner bed to lie down...I was like feeling omg is this it...is it today? Is it not on 22 jan?? I kept asking my tummy...how? Then nurse came in and explained they are seeing contractions. So I was like are you sure??? So we have to continue to wait dr Fong will only be coming around evening time. 

So by about 5ish,dr Fong finally made his appearance and he looked at the reports and all my signs and decided yes guy it will be tonight we deliver the lil one. As I had low placenta, dr Fong don't want me to go into labour so we needed to go for full GA delivery rather than an epidural csec. And of coz he needed to prepare blood in case of emergency blood transfusion due to excessive bleeding. Wow so immediately no more food and the waiting begins. Am scheduled for 10pm delivery, so by 930pm they wheeled me in to prep. All these while, I kept feeling if lil E was still moving inside me...was worried of potential complications. After a while I decided to say a quick prayer and leave it onto Him. 

By 10pm I was in the operating theatre table just waiting for the anesthetician to provide my dosage... And then by the time around 1020pm, she came spoke to me and say ok let's get ready to see your lil one. Who knows the moment I KO, the next moment I remember vaguely in between waking up and feeling really cold. Then I remember the nurse asking which room and me telling them it's room 361....lol

Next moment I remember asking to see lil Emmanuel and there he was lying in the lil cot awake and moving. That moment was amazing. I was in awe and full of love for this lil fellow that just appeared before me. 

And that is me documenting the birthing process of lil Emmanual 黄俊义- our first born....

From ...12 January above .....

To....17 January 2014.... 

At wk 36...last few weeks..omg

Wow...time really flies... It seems like only yesterday I saw the 2 lines on THE STICK!! and now I am fast approaching THE BIRTH. 

These last weeks proved to be tougher than the initial weeks. I got diagnosed with this pregnancy rash called PUPPP. read more here - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pruritic_urticarial_papules_and_plaques_of_pregnancy

This rashes been spreading quite bad and worst thing it itches. so sadly aside from stretch marks, am gonna have scar marks. Boo boo...I really tried to stop myself but itch proves too much. 

lil Emmanuel been growing and making his presence known all day. Such an amazing feeling, even till date whenever he moves I still get an aww.... feeling. Really thank God for this miracle Baby into our lives.

However Dr Fong also diagnosed another condition called placenta previa for me. 

Read more here- http://www.babycenter.com/0_placenta-previa_830.bc

He still monitoring the situation...giving us till Tues to evaluate if there is any improvement on the placenta. If no...then most likely we need to get lil Emmie out by week 38 which coincides with Papa V's bday. Why week 38, coz any closer risks me going into labour n potentially loosing lots of blood. Worst case scenerio if complication arised, will be me loosing the entire womb. So let's see the verdict coming Tuesday. Been praying to God for natural delivery, & no complications, so now can only have faith in Him. 

Past few weeks been happening. We prepped more baby stuff and my confinement stuff. As usual our style, last minute. Realized I don't have a friggin mattress and covers for the lil one. So need to quickly get that sorted before wk 38. Btw our helper has arrived, her name is Ely. So far been a great help around the house keeping it neat n tidy. So hopefully when the lil prince arrived, all is good. 

Will update here again on the verdict. Pray for me n lil Emmanuel ....am really getting nervous... 

A pic here of my stoopid rashes, it's actually a lot worst than this but I can't maneuver the camera with a ball stuck in front of me.