One can never be prepared for motherhood. Seriously. If you think by playing with other people children makes your motherly instincts pop out, you are wrong. I was never ready to be a mum, but I reckon I can't be saying that till I am 50. When lil E came out, I was not prepared to be bombarded with all the emotions, the constant need to be perfect be it for myself or for Emmanuel. I thought I had it in control, let things go. But NO I can't, lil things bug me like milk not measured correctly, helper saying boy cries all the time.... Haiz....too many to list.
There were times (usually when E cries) where I blamed V for it. Like coz he was the one that was like dying to have a kid and I saw myself as being the vessel for it. Now that E is out, V should be taking care of him instead of me being cooped up at home 24/7. Of coz those times quickly disappeared when lil E give me his million dollar smile or when he responds to me when I soothe him.
Yeah so motherhood...it is really a bittersweet experience. And it's for life. I can't say I wanna quit, nor can I say I had enough. I don't know how some frens did it but I salute them even though I am a mummy now.
Of coz I feel guilty at times whenever I feel frustrated or developed resentful thoughts. I think my mr V had really put in 101% effort towards caring for me & lil E. And who knows if he also got depression (from serious lack of zzz plus he needs to work)? At times when I had my emotional outbursts, he counseled me and pray with me to sort my negative thoughts out. Or when I am tired, he will take the night shifts even if it means lack of zzz plus next day have to work. My husband is amazing...and I do feel so lucky.
K that's it. It's 4am and zzz is overcoming me and lil E's feeding time approaches. I have lost my sense of time. Each day and night sama sama...ciaoz
Some recent photos to capture the moments....
